Pieces
by carly114
Summary: A reinterpretation of the episode "Another Woman," delving deeper into the emotions of Michaela and Sully and the ramifications of their actions.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm not sure if anyone even reads these anymore, but was sick on my couch over the holidays and binge watched a few seasons of the show. It's still SO GOOD! I'd forgotten how great it was and fell right back into it. They definitely don't make shows like that anymore!_

 _This story is based on the episode "Another Woman" from season 2, an episode that I really can't decide if I like or not. There were elements of it that completely frustrated me to no end, but the angst was so good! I hated how it was left off with no resolution, and the characters just moved on in the next episodes like nothing had happened. I wanted to explore some of the emotions of both Dr. Mike and Sully in a way that more accurately depicted the pain both were feeling. It always bothered me that Sully didn't seem to have any understanding of where Dr. Mike was coming from, and she, in turn, wasn't able to articulate why she was so hurt. This story attempts to address all of that._

 _While I've borrowed some of the dialogue from the ending scene, I've also manipulated and added parts of my own to help paint the picture a bit better. This is obviously my own interpretation of the series of events. My apologies in advance as this came to fruition during a very stressful, angsty time of my own life._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1**

The further they got out of town, the angrier he became, especially when he saw how she sped up as soon as she suspected he was behind her. He was itching for a fight, to lay it all out in the open, and approached her attacking. He barely even registered the words that were being exchanged in anger, and it wasn't until she finally turned around to face him with her ashen complexion and glassy eyes that he realized that it wasn't just anger she was feeling. He blinked in shock, as his own frustration fled his body. "What if she'd stayed?" Her voice was a broken whisper, her eyes meeting his in agony.

"I'd've chose you." The answer was so obvious and logical to him and came so quickly that it never occurred to him what was unsaid behind those words.

"There should never have been a choice to make!" she cried out in anguish. The little composure she was holding onto so desperately was quickly slipping out of her grasp. He took an urgent step towards her but faltered as she quickly shuffled backwards, wrapping her arms around her midsection in a protective stance. She took a gasped breath, pushing down the sob that threatened to break loose and continued when he remained silent. "How would you have felt?" she whispered, desperate for him to understand. "If she had been a _man_ who came to town needing help, if we had exchanged sentimental gifts, if I had looked at _him_ the way you looked at her, if he had needed _me_ by his side at night, if he had kissed _me_." He couldn't continue to look her in the eye, as the reality of the situation and related guilt weighed upon him. He dropped his gaze, his weight nervously shifting from foot to foot as her words drifted over him in shame.

Images of the last several days washed over him – Catherine leaning in and their lips meeting, him walking away from Michaela in anger, Catherine admitting her feelings for him, and him forcing to acknowledge that Michaela had been right all along. The accusations Michaela had hurled at him hurt even more now knowing that she had seen the truth that he had avoided. He knew she deserved a response, but the words wouldn't come because the one feeling that overwhelmed him now was one that he didn't know how to admit to being the cause of. Picturing her at another man's side, being touched by him lifted the fog that hovered over him since the other woman arrived in town. "How would you have felt?" she repeated in a whisper.

Finally, he met her eyes again, and his voice came out in a whisper. "Betrayed."

Her lower lip quivered in an effort to once again tamper down the sobs that threatened to rack her body. They stared at each other in silence for a moment before she slowly closed her eyes and turned away from him. It finally dawned on him what she hadn't been able to make him understand through her words all these days. The pain was so clearly etched on her face, throughout her entire body, and he knew now it was only her sheer will and determination that prevented her from completely falling apart in front of him. There was a helplessness in her entire demeanor that terrified him, and he half expected her to run away. He watched as she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, trying to regain her composure. "Nothing happened between me and Catherine," he tried again. "I wouldn't let it."

A moment passed before she finally turned around and stepped towards him. "Something happened here." She touched a hand to his chest right over his heart, almost exactly where Catherine had touched him, and his body responded even now. How he could ever have doubted it, he didn't know, but Michaela's touch was home. _She_ was home. He reached out to grasp her hand in his, desperate to hold onto her, even as he felt her slipping through his fingers. He tightened his hold, only to have her forcefully pull away, and he was left looking down in confusion as his hands grasped at nothing but air. He knew at that point that she was already rebuilding the walls around her heart that he had so carefully been chipping away at over the last several months. He blinked in shock, fear flashing in his eyes, as his gaze rose back to hers. She took another broken breath and swallowed. "I'd never have thought it was possible, not after all the things we'd said to each other."

"I meant all those things!" His hands clenched to resist the temptation to reach out and touch her, believing that if he could get her back into his arms, then all would be right again. "I still do!" Panic seized him, as she turned away from him again, not even acknowledging his words. He took a step toward her, desperation now evident in his voice. "Don't you hear what I'm sayin'?" He reached out and pulled at her sleeve, only to have her shake him off. "Are you gonna stay mad at me forever?" he asked timidly.

Finally hearing the pain she felt echoed in his voice chipped away at the little control she still had, and her cheeks became damp with the tears that managed to escape. Once again, he reached out tugging on her elbow to try to get her to turn around and look at him. She forcefully pulled her arm out of his grasp. "Leave me alone!" she cried, but the warning was ruined as the words came out in midst of a broken sob.

The fear of losing her warred with the anger that he felt at himself, at the entire situation. "Answer me!" He tugged more insistently at her arm, forcing her to meet his eyes, but when she whirled around, he was taken aback by the tears that were barely contained. He had seen her cry before and had always taken pride that he had been the one for her to turn to. Only, now, he had no idea what to do, knowing that he was the one this time to cause her this pain.

"I'm not angry. I'm –" Her voice was thick with emotion, and she stopped herself. She wasn't sure how much longer she could speak before she would completely break down. Taking another deep breath, she forced herself to look up and meet his eyes once more. "You hurt me, Sully." He could feel his heart breaking alongside hers, and he had a feeling it pained her just as much to admit it as it did for him to hear it. She paused again, and he could see her try to pull herself together before continuing. "I'm a doctor. People put themselves in my hands, they give themselves to me, they trust me." He could see the heartache and insecurity through every bone in her body, as she stood in front of him, looking so small and frail. "I'm-" Her jaw worked as she tried to come up with the words. "I'm not used to giving myself to anyone. I gave myself to you. I trusted you."

His heart lurched painfully, and he quickly closed the distance between them, reaching a hand up to cup her cheek and wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry," he whispered achingly.

But before he could even touch her or get the words out, she flinched and shifted away. "I am, too." It hit him then that he had broken, not only her heart, but part of her spirit, her confidence, her faith in him, in them. Helplessly, he drew back his hand, sensing that if he touched her again, she would lose all semblance of control. "I just – I can't be with you right now." She didn't actually realize what she was going to say until the words had already passed her lips, but now that they had been said, she felt an odd sense of relief. Maybe, just maybe, with some time and distance, her heart would stop hurting.

The finality in those words rocked him to the core. It had never occurred to him that he would actually lose her. Michaela had been pushed too far, and now he had to deal with the consequences. When he came after her as the stage rolled away, he had no inkling that this would be the outcome. The shock and anguish of the last several minutes left him drained physically and emotionally, and for the first time in a very long time, he didn't know how to fix what was clearly broken. Despite his denial that this was happening, he knew her well enough to know that, if he continued to push her now he might possibly push her over the edge, and he would lose any chance of regaining her love and trust forever. He knew what it took for her – such a private, cautious, and outwardly strong woman – to bare her raw emotions to him, and he knew that they both needed to take a step back to process the ramifications of his actions. He knew he needed to give her at least an opportunity to step back and try to mend what he had broken inside of her. With a little distance, maybe he could earn her trust again. Not knowing what else to say, he cleared his throat and said, "If you change your mind, I'll always be here." Fighting back his own tears, he couldn't walk away without one last attempt to pull her into his arms, and this time she came willingly. She let out a broken gasp, and a silent sob shook her small frame, as he wrapped his arms around her, trying to commit every detail to memory. He inhaled the scent of her, as he ran his fingers through her hair and down her back in an effort to provide some sort of comfort even as he was the one to cause her this pain. He couldn't avoid it any longer and gently released her, the pain and devastation he saw in her eyes causing him to retreat. When he could bear it no longer, he finally turned his back and walked away.

She watched in anguish as he walked away further and further. There was a voice inside trying to scream out, _Turn back! Fight for me!_ Her emotions were at war with one another, though she knew the pain she was feeling wouldn't have allowed her to be in his presence any longer. And though she had already set herself to rebuild the walls that she'd carefully constructed around her throughout her entire adult life, she couldn't deny the hurt she felt knowing that, while the emotions were clearly visible on his face as he said goodbye to Catherine, and his eyes followed the stage long after it had departed, for her, he hadn't even bothered to look back.

\- x x x -

It had been nearly a month since Michaela had ended their courtship, and Sully had respectfully stayed away from her and the children, giving her the time and space she asked for. He wasn't sure how much longer he could take it though. He had tried to find peace out in the woods, but every time he closed his eyes, he was haunted with images of her with pain and heartbreak etched across her face. He kept hearing her words playing over and over again in his head, and he was racked with guilt at causing her this much pain. He had no idea how to fix it.

He had even avoided going into town, but even though it wasn't an anomaly that he should go weeks without seeing any of them, this self-imposed exile left him anxious and desperate for just a glimpse of her. He finally gave up and told himself that he was only checking on the children and stood up out of his lean-to and walked in the direction of the homestead.

Unbeknownst to him, Michaela was just as lost, and she shuffled through her routines, craving the days when her schedule was filled at the clinic so she could rely on her patients to distract her from thinking of him for just a few minutes. When her mantra one day at a time didn't provide any relief, it became one minute at a time. Although the children didn't directly ask why Sully was no longer stopping by for supper, she could see the covert glances they shared with each other and the way they looked at her in growing concern.

Sully told himself that he would just stop by and see the children, that it would be too early in the day for Michaela to be leaving the clinic, so there was no possibility that she would have to see him, but his subconscious had another plan. He slowly made his way through the woods, stopping to check a few of his closer traps and sitting underneath a large tree for some time to aimlessly whittle at a small piece of wood that he carried in his pocket, that by the time he was in sight of the homestead, the sun was low on the horizon, and he knew Colleen would likely be starting supper. Which meant there might be a chance that his and Michaela's paths would cross on her way back home. The smoke he saw coming out of the chimney was a good indication that supper was underway, and he saw Brian and Matthew finished up their chores outside.

The leaves crunched under his feet as he walked towards the boys, until finally Brian glanced up and noticed him. "Hey Sully," he greeted sullenly, before dropping the bucket he was carrying. Sully noticed the uncharacteristic slump in his shoulders as he shuffled dejectedly towards him. "Where ya been? We missed ya."

Guilt ate at him, as he tried to formulate a response. "Been busy," he responded quickly with a small smile.

Brian looked up at his idol with none of the mischief he usually had in his eyes. "Are you and Ma gonna make up soon?"

Sully ruffled the younger boy's hair sadly. "I don't know, Brian." He looked up at Matthew, who was chopping firewood. "Hey there, Matthew."

Matthew looked up, and Sully wasn't prepared for the hostility in his eyes. "Sully," he responded with a stiff nod in his direction.

The tension sizzled in the air, and Brian looked between the two warily. Sully tried again tentatively, "How y'all been?" His gaze shifted to the homestead hopefully. "How's your ma?"

"Why do you care?" The vehemence in Matthew's voice caught him unawares, and he turned back to look at the boy. He was glaring at Sully with so much hatred in his eyes, Sully didn't know how to respond.

"Matthew!" Brian warned.

"Stay out of it." Matthew continued staring down Sully, even as he sent his younger brother inside. As soon as Brian had shut the front door behind him, Matthew threw down the axe he had been holding and stormed towards Sully. "What the hell are ya even doing here?"

Sully held up both his hands in as non-threatening a pose as possible. "Take it easy, Matthew. What's wrong?"

That seemed to inflame him even further, as he looked at Sully in disbelief. "What's wrong?" he repeated. "What's _wrong_? You don't think we saw how you looked at her when she left?"

Sully closed his eyes and sighed wearily. "Who?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Catherine!" Matthew spat out the name like it was poison. "How could you do that to Dr. Mike? It may not be my business, but last I checked, you was courtin' our ma, and if that's true, ya ain't got no right lookin' at any other woman that way." The spiteful words just flowed out of him, as he shifted around, too restless to stand still. "Colleen says she's cried herself to sleep every night. Did you know that? She ain't eatin, ain't sleepin', tries to pretend like everything's okay, when we all know it ain't." The words were like daggers to Sully's heart, reopening every wound that had been festering since he walked away from her. Matthew's fists were clenched to prevent himself from physically harming the man who had caused his mother so much pain, as he got right in Sully's face. "And you know who did this to her?" He jabbed a finger in Sully's chest. "You."

"I know, Matthew," Sully said, not even bothering to try to deny it. "I never meant to hurt her, but I'm gonna fix it." Matthew scoffed in disbelief and threw a disgusted look at him, as he stalked away. "Don't know how yet, but I'm gonna fix it."

Just then, the sound of hoof beats hit Sully's ears, and his heart jumped into his throat, as he looked up hopefully to see Flash trotting down the path, carrying her precious burden upon her back. Michaela's gaze was down at her reins, as Flash made her way towards him and Matthew, and Sully took the opportunity to stare his fill for a few moments. The pain hit him anew, as he noticed the defeated slump of her shoulders. Her whole demeanor screamed exhaustion, and he could see the dark circles under her eyes, confirming Matthew's earlier words. Sully's eyes greedily ate her up, as she got closer and closer, until Flash came to a stop nearly right in front of him. "Matthew, I –" He watched as she wearily lifted her head to speak to her older son before noticing there was another person standing in front of her homestead. Michaela's eyes met his, and she lost her words.

Her heart skipped a beat as she looked up to see Sully standing in front of her, before it started to throb painfully in her chest once more. She couldn't stand to see the emotions so vividly displayed on his handsome face. In a matter of seconds, she recognized the love shining in his eyes, alongside flashes of pain and regret. When she saw his lips move as her name came out in a whispered breath, she broke away from his magnetic stare and turned to slide off the horse.

In a move of solidarity, Matthew had maneuvered himself between Sully and Michaela in what Sully knew as a protective stance, and he stood there helplessly, knowing he wasn't welcome, but not able to bring himself to leave just yet. Trying to diffuse some of the tension at least for his mother's sake, Matthew took the reins out of her hands. "Hey, Dr. Mike. Why don't you head on inside. Colleen's got supper on the table." He handed her her medical bag and gently nudged her towards the house. "I'll take care of Flash."

The trance broken, Michaela looked at her son with a small smile of gratitude. "Thank you, Matthew." Though she knew that she couldn't escape inside without so much as even acknowledging Sully, she steeled herself to guard her heart and looked up at him with as little emotion on her face as she could. "Hello, Sully."

He gave her a tentative smile, and she could see the hope in his eyes. "Evenin', Dr. Mike. Just stopped by to see how you were gettin' on, and- and the children." He stumbled over his words as his nerves hit him.

"That's very kind of you." The lack of emotion in her words was killing him, but he vowed to himself, one step at a time.

Grateful to simply be in her presence again, he hardly even knew what he was saying, just that he needed to be near her for as long as she would allow. When she moved to walk around him towards the door, he purposely stepped in her way to halt her progress, forcing himself to not react when she flinched away to avoid contact with him. "I was thinkin'," he said earnestly, not remembering the last time he felt so flustered, "I'd maybe come by Saturday mornin' and take Brian fishin'. Ain't had a chance to do that in a long while now."

He looked down at her with so much hope in his eyes that, even now, Michaela didn't have it in her heart to burst it. "Brian would enjoy that. I'll let him know to expect you. Good night, Sully." With that, she awkwardly shuffled around him, hurried up the steps, and fled inside, leaving Sully to stare longingly behind her.

Matthew, who had been cautiously watching this encounter, eyed Sully suspiciously, but even in his anger, he could recognize the love that he still saw in the older man's eyes. It was several moments before Sully could pry his eyes away from the door, as if hoping that Dr. Mike walk through it again. Resigned, Sully turned to leave, and Matthew caught his eye again. "I wanna see my ma happy again." His eyes met Sully's, and they maintained their stare for several heartbeats. "Fix it."

"You have my word."

Matthew continued to glare at him for a few long moments before letting out his breath in a huff and shaking his head in disgust. He turned away to lead Flash into the barn, leaving Sully on his own.

 _I will fix it_ , he told himself. _I'll figure out a way to let her know exactly what she means to me._ Though he wouldn't let himself admit that he hadn't the faintest idea how at this point as he walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello there! Thank you so much to the few of you who took the time to leave a review. You made my day! This is my first story, so apologies for any faux pas, but I do hope you enjoy. To those wondering if this will be completed, I'll reassure that it already (almost) is, and will be uploaded fairly quickly. Mostly because when I'm a reader, I hate waiting ages for an update only to find out that (gasp!) the story's been left hanging. Just need to tie up a few loose ends, and then we'll be good to go._

 _The chapter lengths will be a little uneven, as I've cut the chapters to keep the thoughts and events together, so beware - this one's a long one._

 _And onward!_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2**

Friday night came much quicker than she had hoped, and the anxiety started as butterflies in her stomach as she and the children sat down for dinner. By the time she crawled into bed, she had no idea how she was going to face him again. The anticipation was eating her alive. She tossed and turned all night, unable to get more than a few minutes' shut-eye. She couldn't help it, knowing that Sully would keep his promise and show up in just a few short hours to take Brian fishing. Part of her ached to see him again, while in the next breath, she dreaded any further contact. She had thought that, after a month, it would be better. But it was no easier now than it was the day he walked away from her. Lying there wide-awake, her thoughts drifted to when she saw him the other evening. It had been unfair of him to be there at the homestead then, as if lying in wait for her, when she had absolutely no warning. When she looked up from her hands and saw him standing there staring at her with such longing, she had to tighten her hold on the reins to keep herself from tumbling off of Flash. His eyes had always been her downfall, a blue so deep and piercing that, with one look, she felt as if he could penetrate every fiber of her being. The intensity by which he always looked at her was unlike anything else she had experienced with any other man, and it both thrilled and terrified her at the same time. It was that fear that kept her up right now. Her first instinct was to run far, far away so she wouldn't have to face him come morning.

Giving up on hope of any more sleep, she quietly made her way out of bed and got dressed, mindful to not wake the children. Wrapping a shawl around herself and her hands around a freshly made mug of coffee, she crept outside and sat down on the steps. Dawn was slowly creeping across the horizon, and she closed her eyes, breathing in the crisp air and soaking up the calm before the day started. She loved this time of day before the world woke up and took advantage of the peace to catalog her thoughts.

All her thoughts lately seemed to always come back to Sully. Where had they gone wrong? Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the way he looked as Catherine rode away, and Michaela's heart broke all over again. She knew Sully wanted everything to go back to the way they were before, and she wished that too, but she didn't see how they possibly could. She didn't know how she could trust him again. Thinking back to how he came after her in Boston, how he made such an effort, and then finally admitting to loving her, she couldn't fathom how things turned out. He was the last person in the world she would have ever expected to hurt her. Before meeting him, she never thought she could ever feel that way about anyone. How was she ever going to trust any other man?

Michaela sighed in resignation and took a sip of coffee. She hadn't anticipated missing him so much. As uncertain as she was, she had begun to expect the little touches and caresses Sully was accustomed to giving. Remembering how he would envelope her in his arms now made her feel lonelier than ever. She had come to depend on him so much, it was a little frightening, after having been alone her whole life. Up until this latest fiasco, she just expected to be able to rely on him because he was always there whenever she needed him. He would go to the ends of the earth to help someone in need, to do what was right. They were similar that way, and it was one of the things that had attracted her. But he was so sure of himself, so comfortable in his own skin, the exact opposite of how she'd always felt. And it was so clear how he both recognized and appreciated the similarities he found between himself and Catherine. Michaela had worried when they first started courting how little they had in common. Maybe they were too different, after all. She swallowed past the lump that suddenly formed in her throat when she realized she would have to figure out how to move on without him. But she was alone when she arrived in Colorado Springs, and she survived. She could do it again.

The sun was starting to cast the world in a golden pink glow, and she could finally hear the roosters crowing. Her anxiety grew with the light filling the sky, and she couldn't just sit here waiting for him to arrive. She just didn't have the strength for that today. Making her way back inside, she quietly gathered her things and headed to the barn. Quickly saddling Flash and mounting, she pulled down the brim of her hat and rode off.

\- x x x -

A short hour later, Sully was walking up to the homestead in anticipation. Truth be told, he had tossed and turned all night as well and was up before dawn. The thought of seeing Michaela again brought a smile to his face, and it was only his self discipline that kept him from marching up to the front door in the middle of the night. Instead, he wandered the woods restlessly until morning finally came. He quickened his step as he approached, his heart pounding in excitement.

He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as Brian opened the front door. "Hey Sully!"

"Mornin'!" Stepping inside, he spotted Colleen finishing her breakfast and gave her a nod. "Mornin', Colleen."

She looked up at him suspiciously, and Sully was certain the young girl knew exactly what had transpired between her ma and himself. "Mornin'." She watched as he looked around the homestead, and her annoyance grew, knowing exactly who he was looking for. "She's not here."

Sully couldn't help but suspect that there was a note of satisfaction in her voice just then. "Oh," he cleared his throat. "Isn't it a bit early for her to be off already?"

Colleen almost felt guilty for bursting the hope that was clearly displayed across his face. Almost, but not quite, knowing that this man, that she'd put all her girlish dreams in for a brief moment, had shattered the heart of the strongest woman she'd ever known. "She was gone when we woke." She busied herself clearing her plate. "Probably had to be at the clinic early."

He couldn't keep his face from falling in disappointment. Part of him had to wonder whether she had snuck away so early to avoid seeing him. He looked up to see Brian eying him warily, and he had to force himself to smile at him. "Well, no matter. Just means we gotta' catch enough fish and be back in time to make your ma supper!" Waging his battles, he turned towards the girl. "Colleen, you comin' with us today?"

She glared up at him, not even bothering to try to hide her disdain. "You kissed her," she spat out, accusingly, and Sully blinked in surprise, not anticipating the sudden change in the conversation.

"Colleen!" Brian yanked at her arm, and she shook him off like a pest. "Told ya', you can't tell!"

Sully cleared his throat uncomfortably and met her eyes, as she continued to glare at him in defiance. He had to admit this was the last conversation he expected to have this morning, but he knew how protective of Michaela the Cooper children had become, so he shouldn't have expected anything less. "Catherine was confused," he started slowly, "and yes, she kissed me."

"You coulda' stopped her," she shot back quickly, daring him to contradict her.

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Look." He leaned down to look her in the eye and grasping her shoulders to try to convey his authenticity. "You're right." She blinked in surprise, not expecting him to agree. "I coulda', and I shoulda'. Instead, I made a huge mistake, one that I regret, and one that your ma may not ever be able to forgive. But I'm gonna do my best, whatever it takes, to try and make it up to her."

Colleen stared back at him, and he could see the anger in her eyes slowly melt into heartache. "How could you do it?" she whispered in betrayal. "You're supposed to love Dr. Mike!"

"I do!" Sully responded, vehemently, anxious to reassure both her and Brian. "I love her more than anything!"

"Funny way you got of showin' it," Colleen spat back, refusing to make it easy on him.

Sully shook her gently in frustration. "Listen to me. I know I've made a mess of it, and your ma's right to be upset with me. I know you're upset too, and you don't got any reason to trust me now, but I love her. And I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make her believe that again."

"Why should I believe you?" He could hear her anger leave her voice, now replaced with an innocent vulnerability.

"You don't gotta believe anything I say, but I'm hopin' you will." Sully straightened and looked down at both her and Brian. "Because I'm gonna need your help."

Colleen and Brian glanced at each other in confusion. "Help with what?" she asked curiously.

"Well," Sully looked at them sheepishly, "like I said, I made a mess of things. And seein' as how she hasn't said more than two words to me, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need all the help I can get."

Colleen studied him for several moments as if to gauge his authenticity and finally rewarded him with a small smile, her young girl's heart soaring at the romance of it all. Though she was still angry at him for the entire situation, she couldn't help her heart melting a bit at how hard he was trying to make it right. Glancing at her younger brother, they grinned at each other, eager to help Sully make their ma happy again.

\- x x x -

It was late in the afternoon by the time Michaela guided Flash back towards home. She had dawdled for hours, trying to fill her time to avoid running into Sully at the homestead. Without knowing what his and Brian's plans were, and what time they'd be coming or going, she took the coward's way out and disappeared for most of the day. She'd spent most of the morning at the clinic, organizing her charts and working on a new journal article on the integration of herbal remedies into modern medicine, but got to the point where she couldn't stare at the four walls of the clinic any longer, so she escaped into the woods. Using the excuse of restocking her herb supply, she wandered aimlessly, picking a plant here and there, but getting lost in her thoughts more than anything else.

A gust of wind caught the brim of her hat, and she had to quickly pull it back down to keep it atop her head. The day that had started out warm with the sun blazing had, in the last hour, become brisk and windy. Michaela had quickly learned during her time in the Colorado Territory how fickle the weather was here, and the temperature could drop drastically in minutes. Looking east, Michaela saw how fast the dark clouds were moving and knew that the bright blue sky directly above her would soon be overtaken by storm clouds. Wrapping her coat more tightly around her shoulders, she continued to lead Flash home.

She could hear them even before she cleared the trees. Sully's deep laugh filled her ears in response to Brian and Colleen's high-pitched chatter, and she closed her eyes in quiet desperation. She couldn't let him in again. Her heart still hurt to see him, and she couldn't let him break it again, not when she was still picking up the pieces from everything that had happened over a month ago. Taking a deep breath, she tried her best to clear her mind and wipe all emotion from her face as she approached.

Her first glimpse of them nearly knocked her right off of her horse, and she could feel the corners of her mouth turning up as she tried to hold in an exasperated laugh. Sully, Colleen, and Brian were outside, in the middle of, what at least appeared to be, preparations for supper. All three had their sleeves rolled, and they were elbows deep in what looked like fish innards. Only, that wasn't all they were covered in. The front of Sully 's shirt was covered in flour, as was his left cheek and half the hair on that side of his head. She turned to the children and saw that they were far worse off. They were both in stitches and each held handfuls of vegetable shavings, Colleen currently trying to shove hers down the back of Brian's shirt. However, it appeared that Brian had given his older sister a run for her money, as she had numerous potato peelings sticking out of the hair that wasn't already caked in a wet, floury paste. Michaela shook her head in exasperation, her mouth still open in shock. They still hadn't yet noticed her presence, as Sully was currently watching her children's antics, his face lit up in laughter. He was in the middle of a laugh when he turned, and his eyes met hers. He blinked in surprise at finding her there, and his grin widened, as they stared at each other. His eyes sparkled as he watched her, and she couldn't turn away from his gaze. His jerked his head in the direction of the kids, his lips quirking in a laugh again, and Michaela lost her battle, letting a low chuckle escape her. His heart skipped a beat as he saw her lips finally curve into a smile, lighting up her entire face. For the first time since before this entire debacle started, her eyes met his in amusement, and she shook her head in resignation. Hope filled Sully's chest, feeling as if she'd just let them share a private joke.

Hearing their mother's laugh, the children finally took a pause to notice her presence. "Ma!" Brian exclaimed, finally dropping the last of his mess and running up to her.

As she got down from Flash, she had to take a step back to avoid Brian colliding into her. Holding her hands up to save herself from whatever it was that her son was covered in, she laughed as he skid to a stop. "Brian! Perhaps it's time to wash up?"

The boy looked down at himself before turning back up to her with a guilty smile. "I got Colleen better though."

"Did not!" his older sister retorted from behind, though when she looked at Dr. Mike, the girl rolled her eyes before gathering up the bowls of vegetables and making her way inside.

Ignoring Colleen, Brian rambled on. "We caught so many fish today, Ma! Sully said he's gonna fry 'em up!"

"He did, did he?" Michaela glanced over at Sully in surprise. It hadn't occurred to her that he'd be spending the evening with them, though perhaps she had just been in denial.

He looked up at her through his lashes, as he washed up over a bucket of water. His smile turned sheepish and endearing at the same time, knowing that he was forcing her into an invitation to stay. "Figured, if I was leavin' ya all this fish to clean up, least I could do was make ya' supper."

Brian glanced between the two adults hopefully. "Sully said he'd do all the cookin' tonight. He can stay, can't he, Ma?"

Left without much of a choice, and knowing Sully's eyes had followed her every move, she forced a cheerful response. "Well I'm sure he's going to need some help, so you better go wash up!"

Brian exchanged an optimistic grin with Sully before running off. Only then did Michaela notice her error, as now she was left alone with him, and she could sense him moving closer to her. Her motions quickened, gathering her things off of Flash, anxious for some distance, but Sully wasn't about to let her escape so easily. He quickly walked right up to her alongside the horse, knowing that he was intruding into her space. "Let me help you." He went to unbuckle Flash's saddle, and she backed away out of his reach, but he would not be discouraged. He turned to her again with a smile on his face. "Storm's rollin' in," he said, just as thunder rumbled in the distance. "Good thing you got home when you did."

She gave him a polite smile. "Yes, wouldn't want to be caught in it."

He lifted the heavy saddle off of Flash and followed Michaela as she led the horse into the barn. He could tell by the straightness of her back and the rigidity in her shoulders how uncomfortable she was in his presence, so he chose his words carefully. "Didn't think you'd be gone so early this mornin'." He tried to keep his voice as light and nonthreatening as he could, especially as he knew this small interaction was a huge step forward for them, and he wasn't about to push his luck. "Was thinkin' you mighta' been avoidin' me." When her head snapped up and their eyes met, he sensed not just surprise at his words but also a glimmer of guilt in the shadow of her eyes, and his suspicion was confirmed. Though he was disappointed at this realization, he couldn't help his lips lifting in a teasing smile. "You were, weren't ya?" When she didn't argue, he leaned closer and whispered in her ear, "I'm stubborn too, ya know."

She dipped her head to avoid his knowing gaze and busied herself getting Flash settled in for the night. Letting the silence wear on, he waited patiently for her response. Minutes went on until finally she looked up at him, flustered. "I-, I wasn't sure-"

Before she even knew it, he had closed the distance between them and stood inches away. Lifting a hand up, he laid his fingers on her lips to silence her, shaking his head slowly. She gasped at his touch, and her heart sped up. "You don't gotta say anything. I understand."

She blinked in surprise at his words, almost resentful that he still seemed to know her so well. Right in front of his eyes, she straightened, wiping any emotion off until she was standing before him, hiding behind a mask of indifference. "It's too soon."

"I know," Sully responded, and he did know. As anxious as he was, he knew she needed the time to trust him again. Still, he couldn't help the next question passing his lips. "I just gotta ask though, are you gonna stay mad at me forever?"

Though he'd asked her before, his question came out so earnestly, almost as if he was fearful of her answer, and it tugged hard at her heartstrings. Her mask dropped for a brief moment, and she smiled at him sadly, almost resignedly, as she walked toward the door of the barn. "You've asked me that before, and my answer is the same. I'm not angry, Sully. Not anymore."

Sully was left with his own thoughts as Michaela left the barn. He knew she wasn't indifferent to him. Far from it, in fact. He felt her tremble when he touched his fingers to her lips earlier, and he clenched his hand as if to hold on to the feeling of her. And now that he had at least Colleen and Brian's help, he was sure he could chip away at her walls again, the same way he had before. Taking a deep breath to reassure himself, he left the barn to start the supper that he had promised, hoping it'd be the first step to win back her confidence.

\- x x x -

Supper was not nearly as awkward as Sully had feared. Though, Michaela was far more quiet than usual, that wasn't a surprise to him. Knowing that it was too soon to expect her to welcome him back to her dinner table, he respected her disengagement as she picked at her food, instead maintaining a steady conversation with the children.

The storm started halfway through their meal, and by the time the table was cleared, both rain and wind were in full force. Insisting that Sully stay at least until the rain let up a bit, Colleen encouraged he and Brian to start a game of checkers. With a glance at Michaela, Sully smiled when she didn't argue, instead, turning to the stove to start a pot of coffee. Matthew narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his sister but didn't say anything. The older man did say that he would fix things with Dr. Mike, and since he was actually welcomed tonight at supper, maybe he had made some progress.

The evening wore on, with no signs of the storm letting up, but after two rounds of checkers, Sully thought he might be overstaying his welcome. Though he was as looking forward to being out in the ferocious storm about as much as Colleen and Brian were to him leaving. He'd been watching Michaela all night out of the corner of his eye, and he was disappointed that she hadn't joined in the conversations that had floated about between himself and the two younger Cooper children, despite the kids' attempts to engage her. Instead, she had stayed at the end of the dining table near the fire, penning, what appeared to be, an extremely long letter.

He rose to his feet, announcing his intention to leave, and Michaela glanced up at him without any comment. Colleen and Brian exchanged a look, and Sully had to hold back a smile as he knew they were about to join forces against their mother.

"Ma, Sully can't leave," Brian insisted. "Storm's a nightmare out there, and the wind's been howlin' all night. He'd be soaked 'fore he even takes two steps. Can't he stay, Ma?"

Sully could see the annoyance flash across Michaela's eyes, as she opened her mouth to respond, but before she could get any words out, Colleen jumped in to back up her brother. "Yeah, Ma. Sully'd catch his death. Then we'd all feel real bad for sending him out there. One night stayin' here won't hurt, right?"

Michaela glanced out the window just as a bolt of lightening lit up the sky, and the rain continued to pound against the pane of glass. She looked back in resignation at the children watching her expectantly. "The children are right." She shifted her gaze to Sully, careful to keep her expression blank. "No one should be out there in these conditions."

Matthew, annoyed at what he knew were his siblings' machinations, quickly chimed in. "You can stay out in the barn with me."

"Matthew!" Colleen yanked his arm, thinking quickly. "You said yourself that you were gonna bunk with Brian tonight. It's freezin' out, and 'member the barn roof leaks?"

Colleen gave him a look, and he glared back at her in frustration. Knowing that she wouldn't back down, he finally relented. "Fine." As soon as Michaela and Matthew looked away, Sully caught Colleen's eye and gave her a wink, and she grinned back conspiringly.

Another hour later, Michaela was fighting a yawn, and she knew she couldn't avoid it any longer. Standing up and announcing it was bedtime, she reluctantly went about her nighttime routine. Well aware that Sully's eyes followed her as she stepped behind the curtain to change into her nightgown, she reappeared in the main room self-consciously avoiding his gaze. With the kids having migrated to their quarters, they were left alone, and she had no choice but to set up space for her unexpected houseguest.

She shuffled around him, gathering a few warm woolen blankets from the foot of her bed before approaching him hesitantly. "You can use these," she offered, holding them out to him.

"Thank you." He let his fingers graze hers as he took them from her hands, and she snatched them back before quickly turning to walk away. Even with that tiniest touch, he could still feel the spark between them, and he knew she could too. He stopped her with a touch on her arm, and he shut his eyes briefly when he felt her tense. "I'm sorry for the kids forcin' ya'," he whispered.

Their eyes met for a brief second before she quickly put on a blank expression and pulled away. "It's no bother. You've stayed here before." But they both knew what was left unsaid, that the last time he stayed it had been at Catherine's request.

With a sigh, he moved over to the fire and laid out the blankets close to the hearth.

\- x x x -

It was sheer torture, lying there so close to her, pretending to sleep, while hearing every little movement she made, and knowing she had no desire to have him there. He knew there was no way he would sleep a wink tonight, and he considered it a well-deserved punishment for his actions. He turned on his side and faced the bed, watching her in the dim light of the flames. What he wouldn't give right now to be able to get up from his spot by the fire, climb into bed next to her and draw her against him. He heaved a sigh as his thoughts drifted again to the last month. How could he have let things fall apart so quickly? He knew, he _knew_ how difficult it had been for her to let him into her heart in the first place. And he hadn't done either of them any favors with the way he'd allowed himself to get distracted by another pretty face. He hadn't even realized he'd been distracted until it was too late.

Thinking back to the number of times they had argued while Catherine was in town, he was ashamed of the way he repeatedly walked away from her in anger. It wasn't until what Michaela had said to him, while they stood in that field afterwards, that it had finally hit him the position that he had put her in. It had taken her putting the image of herself on the arms of another man for Sully to realize the gravity of the situation. Had the roles been reversed, he couldn't say that he would have been as gracious. As a doctor, she had to have Catherine's best interests at heart, even when it pained her. And the way Sully had assigned himself to be Catherine's protector, now that he'd had time and distance to think back on his actions, he knew that the closeness he'd developed with her had been wrong and was unfair to Michaela. He had no doubt that Michaela's trust in him had disintegrated – how could it not when he had put another woman's needs and feelings above her own?

How long had he been staring aimlessly at the ceiling, watching the flames flicker and listening to the rain pound against the roof and windows – ten minutes? Two hours? He heard Michaela shift and, once again, clenched his jaw. She was tossing and turning far too much to be asleep, and he didn't know if he should be pleased or guilty to know that she was having just as much trouble sleeping as he was. Though he was hopeful that she'd find it in her heart to forgive him at some point, he really was at a loss as to how to help her with that. The mere fact that he was here tonight under the same roof, he counted as a victory.

He must have dozed off briefly, when a shuffling brought him into consciousness again. He heard her move and turned to watch her quietly sit up and get out of her bed. She turned to look over at him, and he immediately closed his eyes, feigning sleep. He couldn't hear the storm raging anymore. The rain must have stopped some time when he had drifted off, which explained why the slight sounds of her movement had woken him. Only when he heard her moving again did he risk taking a peek. He almost sat up in confusion at seeing her unlatch the front door but stopped himself at the last minute to avoid startling her. Where was she going at this hour without even so much as a coat on? Sully had to force himself to lie still where he was. If he so much as moved a muscle, he wouldn't be able to stop from storming off after her, which he knew wouldn't accomplish anything. He knew how carefully she had held herself together all night, when he was the last person she wanted in her home. Using the children for leverage was unfair, he knew that. But he was terrified that they would remain like this forever, and he was willing to do anything in his power to prevent that from happening. The stilted conversations, her stiffness when he was near, her hesitation to be around him at all drove him crazy. She kept him at arm's length, acting like they were barely more than acquaintances, and it was killing him. However, he knew that he had broken her trust, and only time and persistence would help him to bridge the chasm that had formed between them.

Sully continued to stare aimlessly at the ceiling, and his anxiety increased with every minute that passed. He turned his head and glared at the door as if willing Michaela to walk through it again. The longer she was gone, the more vivid his imagination got. When picturing her lying helpless at the bottom of a ditch wasn't terrifying enough, she started getting mauled by a hungry black bear until Sully shot up frantically getting to his feet. He'd had enough, he was going after her. He had to make sure she was safe. With his jaw clenched in frustration, he crossed the distance to the front door in just a few long strides. Before unlatching the door, he stopped and, at the last minute, hurried back to the fireplace and grabbed the thickest blanket off of the floor, then rushed outside.

He looked this way and that, trying to determine which direction she'd gone. The fear that he would have no idea where to start looking was quickly tampered, and he breathed a sigh of relief when, upon glancing to the right, he noticed that she hadn't gone very far at all. Curled up on the bench just outside the door was Michaela fast asleep. His mouth quirked up in a quick smile as he gazed upon her tenderly. In sleep, she had shed the mask she'd worn around him all night, and he once again saw the woman he had fallen in love with.

He approached her and knelt down so his eyes were level with her, and he couldn't help reaching out to touch her. His fingers trembled as they caressed her cheek gently and brushed her hair behind her ear, careful to not wake her and ruin the moment. He leaned closer and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, lingering there for a several heartbeats. He closed his eyes and savored the closeness, inhaling her presence again.

It was only when a shiver racked her body that Sully remembered the blanket still in his hand, and he lifted it up, unfolding it to drape over her. He was in the process of tucking the heavy wool right under her chin and tightly around her shoulders when she stirred. Holding his breath, he watched as Michaela's eyes slowly opened.

Her eyes were heavy with sleep, and she looked at him in confusion. They gazed at each other, and for a brief moment, Sully let himself believe that everything was normal and perfect again. Yet, in one blink, recognition dawned, and she backed away in shock. "Sully!" she breathed, her voice husky with sleep. She frantically pushed herself up to a sitting position and drew the blanket tighter around her.

For a moment, he saw the vulnerability in her eyes before her mask settled back in place again. Regretfully, he pulled his hands away from her and slowly straightened. He couldn't remember ever being this unsure of himself. "I was worried when you'd left," he explained nervously. Not getting a response back, he sat down next to her on the bench as close as he dared, and she looked out into the darkness, refusing to break the silence. Minutes ticked by, and he could feel the heavy tension surrounding them. "I'm sorry," he finally whispered achingly, and they both knew he was referring to more than just that moment.

She didn't respond for several long moments, and Sully wasn't sure that she would. Finally, she let out a deep breath. "I know."

"Can we talk?" he asked tentatively, desperate to touch her again.

She pulled herself up and straightened her shoulders and responded politely. "I don't believe there's anything left to say."

The calmness in her caused him to panic – if she didn't have the energy or desire to even try to discuss it, then he feared that she had given up entirely on him and ever renewing their relationship. He hated that her voice was void of emotion. He'd always been able to tell exactly what she was feeling just by the tone of her voice alone, and he felt her slipping away more than ever.

Sully licked his dry lips and tried again, anxious to get through to her. "I don't know how to let you go," he whispered desperately.

He watched as her bottom lip wobbled briefly before she clenched her jaw to regain her composure. "It's too late." She shook her head and gripped her hands on her lap. "You've made me feel more replaceable than I've ever felt. And I will never feel that way again." He closed his eyes briefly, as his chest tightened. Despite how painful the words were, there was still an eerie calmness about her that told him she was well on the way of shutting him out. Now that the storm had moved on, the sky cleared, and he could see her profile clearly in the moonlight. He studied her briefly, and he could still so clearly see the heartache that she tried to hide behind her façade of politeness. He saw the flash of pain flicker in her eyes as she spoke those words before they shuttered again.

"Michaela." His jaw clenched in an effort to push down the quick burst of anger he felt when he saw her stiffen as soon as he spoke her name. "Please don't shut me out."

The words hit her like a bolt of lightening, and she whirled around to face him, her eyes flashing in anger. "Shut you out?" she repeated in disbelief. Good, they were fighting again. This Michaela he could handle. At least when they fought, even in heartbreak, he was still able to feel the fire between them. "I _tried_ to speak with you when she was still here. You turned everything around to make me feel like it was _my_ fault. _You_ blamed _me_ for being nervous, for not being experienced enough and made _me_ feel inadequate. You made me feel like _I_ was the one to drive you to her. _You_ were the one to walk away."

"I was angry, we both were. I didn't mean it! Why can't you just let this go?" he cried out in frustration, and he regretted the words before they even passed his lips.

She stood up and glared down at him in utter disbelief, as if she didn't know who he was anymore. "Tell me, Sully," she spat. "If the situation was reversed, if _I_ had been the one sharing all my time and feelings with another man, would _you_ let it go?" A bitter laugh escaped her throat before she continued. "Or, maybe, you wouldn't even have been bothered. Maybe that would have eased your conscience when you moved on to the next woman."

He shot to his feet. "I don't _want_ anyone else! It meant nothin'! _She_ meant nothin'!" He took a deep breath to calm himself down, knowing his anger wouldn't solve anything. "Please, Michaela, please let me try to fix it."

"You just don't get it, do you? We made a commitment to each other. That meant _everything_ to me. I _trusted_ you." To her horror, she heard her voice crack, and she knew he did as well, the way he took a step towards her. She stepped backwards until she hit the porch railing, and she had no way to escape him. With a choked breath, she turned her back to him, gripping the railing for dear life, as her shoulders shook with broken sobs. She had finally met her breaking point. She had been holding on to her tiny shred of control all night that she couldn't any longer.

Seeing her break down almost tore him apart, and his heart ached for her, for them both. He no longer cared that she was hurt beyond repair, or that he was the last person she wanted to see, or that she couldn't bear the feel of his touch. He couldn't stand there idly by not doing anything to attempt to fix what he had clearly broken. It was with that thought that he walked up behind her, reaching out with both hands and gripping her by the shoulders. She fought him with all the strength she had left, struggling to get out of his grasp, but he would not be deterred. He shifted her around, pulling her hard into him, ignoring her frantic pleas to let her go, not caring that her fists pushed and pounded against his chest in her efforts to get away from him. "Michaela, I'm sorry," he whispered urgently into her ear. "I'm so sorry. I love _you_. And _only_ you." She struggled futilely for a few moments longer until, finally, she gave up and collapsed into him and cried. Her heart wrenching sobs shook her entire body, and each one tore at his heart. All Sully could do was grit his teeth, not knowing how to make things better, to ease the pain that he had caused. He stood there with her in his arms, rocking her back and forth, his shirt becoming soaked with her tears, as her sobs echoed in the night. "Shhhh," he whispered, "It'll be all right." He continuously ran a hand through her hair in an attempt to provide some comfort, his other hand holding her tight against him, refusing to let go. "We'll be all right."

Eventually, Sully felt her sobs slow down until her breaths came in deep broken gasps. In sheer exhaustion, Michaela leaned into him, trying to catch her breath. Her hands were clenched around fistfuls of his shirt, as if she was trying to draw strength from him. Leaning down, he placed feather light kisses on her temple, in her hair, on her forehead, while he continued to stroke her hair and back. "We'll be all right," he repeated.

Finally, he could feel her pushing against him insistently. But before letting her escape, he used a hand to lift her chin, while keeping his other arm firmly wrapped around her waist. "Michaela, look at me." Her eyes were red and swollen, raw pain still shimmering in their glassy depths. "I love you. And I _will_ fix this. I ain't givin' up on you."

She swallowed tightly and stepped out of the security of his embrace before looking back up at him. "The storm's broken." Her voice wasn't much more than a whisper, hoarse from her earlier sobs. "I think you should leave now. We both need some distance."

He let his arms drop down to his sides and slowly nodded. "I'll leave, so you can get back to bed. Dawn's a while's off yet, and you need to get some sleep. But I was wrong walkin' away before, and I need ya' to know that, even though I'm leavin' now, I'm comin' back. I'll be here in the mornin'." She looked up at him then, and maybe he imagined it, but he thought he saw just the tiniest glimmer of hope veiled in the pain in her eyes. "I'm comin' back, Michaela. I will _always_ come back."


	3. Chapter 3

_So...since I can't seem to figure out how to see all the reviews folks have left, I've no idea what the feedback was for the previous chapter. This ending doesn't_ completely _fit seamlessly into the story arcs of the show, but it's how I imagined it proceeding and how I would have liked to see it happen. I appreciate all the folks who've read and took the time to leave reviews (hopefully I'll be able to actually see all said reviews soon). This was fun!_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3**

Sully came back just after dawn, as he said he would. And then the day after, and the day after, and the day after. Michaela wasn't sure what to think about his constant presence. In fact, she felt a little like he was attempting to overwhelm her into letting him back into her life. She still had trouble processing what had happened the other night, when she had completely broken down in his arms. She kept hearing the words that he'd whispered in her ear, wanting to believe him, to trust him again, but terrified to let him back into her heart. She couldn't remember ever feeling so confused or helpless. Almost from the time she arrived in Colorado Springs, Sully had been her rock, constantly there for her to lean on, even when they were merely friends. Now, when she needed a friend the most, she couldn't turn to him.

Just from his persistence alone, she _knew_ how hard he was trying to get back to some semblance of how they used to be. But was it enough? Could she trust him again? Could she trust _herself_ again to open her heart to him? Her mind warred with her heart, and she felt almost physically torn in half. Her entire adult life, she'd closed herself off, worn a mask to protect herself from hurt. Every tiny bit of respect she'd earned in her profession, she'd had to work twice as hard as her male peers, and any hint of female emotion was seen as a weakness. When her father had been alive, she'd had a hero, a protector. But since his passing, it had been Michaela against the world, and she wasn't sure if even Sully saw how much it had cost her to place this amount of trust in him. She so desperately wanted to lock herself up and never have to feel heartache again. But Sully had taught her the rewards of opening herself up to him, and wasn't that worth exploring more? He was the one man who had taken the time to learn what was underneath that mask, carefully chipping away at all the walls she had built around herself.

Sully had made a habit of showing up at the homestead every morning before she left for the clinic and every evening to join them for supper. He had even been so desperate as to arriving well before the sun was up just in case she tried to sneak off without having to see him again, busying himself with chores in the barn and making sure Flash was saddled and ready to go when Michaela woke. Doing these little things for her somehow made him feel closer to her, even if he knew all he might get in return would be a slight smile. Though he had savored being around her regularly again, the conversations remained stilted and their interaction limited. After the night of the storm, Michaela, while polite, had avoided speaking to him unless it couldn't be avoided.

Another week had passed, and now that Sully was determined to be a constant presence in her life again, he knew for certain that she was going out of her way to avoid him. Though he saw her every morning and evening, despite his attempts to accidentally run into her in town, he rarely saw even a shadow of her, but he knew he would be pushing his luck a bit if he were to actually show up at the clinic itself. The only thing that kept him from losing hope was knowing that she at least wasn't indifferent to him. And he hoped that his persistence would demonstrate to her his willingness to wait as long as it took.

Needing to clear his head, he walked in the direction of that spot high in the hills that he often escaped to. Only, this time, after sharing this special place with Michaela, in addition to finding peace here, he was pleased to realize that it also made him feel closer to her. Little did he know the truth in that last thought though, as he approached the top of the hill to find it already occupied. The tall grasses there almost hid her, and he would have missed seeing her completely had she not already been on his mind as he walked over the final crest. The sheer shock of seeing her stopped him in his tracks, and his heart jumped into his throat. This was a chance he might not have again in the near future, and he knew he couldn't afford to make a mess of it.

He approached her tentatively, watching her head shift briefly in his direction, as she heard his approach. Even without seeing him, she knew it was _him_. His presence filled her entire being when he was near. And once again, she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders trying to gain some strength to face him again. "Whatcha doin'?"

Without moving, she continued to stare off into the distance, her arms wrapped around her knees, hugging them to her chest. She waited a beat before responding. "You told me once that you come here when you need to find your way again." She paused and picked at a blade of grass. "I've been so lost lately, I hoped it would help."

Without waiting for an invitation, he sat himself down on the grass, further away than he liked, but knowing how skittish she was right now, he left a good foot's worth of distance between them. He was tired of fighting, tired of both of them walking away in anger, tired of causing each other pain. "Is it helping?"

She rested her chin on her knees, her shoulders hunched. "I don't know." Her voice was a heartbroken whisper. He had never seen her look so small and vulnerable as she did now, and it took everything he had to not reach out and gather her into his arms.

He shifted a bit closer to her and touched her shoulder, pleased when she didn't immediately pull away. "Let me try to fix it."

She shook her head sadly. "What's happened between us….has been the hardest, most devastating thing I've ever had to live through. In a matter of days, my entire world crumbled around me." Sully's heart squeezed painfully at causing her so much pain. "No one ever tells you that heartbreak actually causes physical pain." She looked up at him desperately, tears shining in her eyes. "My heart hurts, Sully. I just – I couldn't survive it again."

"You would never have to again!" he cried out, vehemently, desperate to get through to her. His hand left her shoulder and moved to her chin, forcing her to finally look at him. "I can't promise that I'll never disappoint you again or that we'll never fight again, but I swear to ya what happened with Catherine, I will never _ever_ do that to you again."

She looked at him with such vulnerability in her eyes, but through that, he could also see the tiniest bit of hope shining through. Her bottom lip quivered, and he knew how desperate she was to shut down and protect herself again from any more pain or harm. He knew that she was terrified to let him in again, but the fact that she wasn't pulling away from him right now gave him the confidence and hope to push on through. "You and me. There's been something between us since the moment we set eyes on each other, as soon as you came to town. Don't even try denyin' it."

She pulled away from him, needing to put some space between them. "It takes two people to kiss, Sully. Even I know that. You can't convince me that she forced you. Can you honestly say you had no inkling it would happen? Can you tell me that you couldn't have stopped it?" When he couldn't respond, she had her answer. She shook her head in frustration and continued. "I keep bringing up the kiss, and I keep thinking about it, when that's not even the real issue. What hurt me the most is that you let it get far enough for there to even be a kiss. You and she, you had a connection. You'd have to be blind not to see it. You made me feel like an intruder in my own relationship!" She grabbed a fistful of grass, yanking it out of the earth in anger, and took a deep, shaky breath to regain her composure. "When you said I never had time for you, that I was always nervous to be around you….I know that was said in anger, but there's truth behind it as well. There's a reason why you were so drawn to Catherine." The resigned tone in her voice almost did Sully in, as did the sad smile that she looked up at him with. "Perhaps we're too different after all. Maybe I can't give you what you want. What you need. I don't know how to be with you that way. You found in her what you couldn't find in me. Maybe that's why you things happened they way they did."

The sadness he saw in her eyes tugged at his heart, and he carefully chose his words. He was past his anger. He had been for weeks now. All that mattered was getting back to where they were just a few short weeks ago. "I'll keep saying it til you believe it, but she meant nothin'." He heaved a sigh and tentatively grasped both her hands before continuing earnestly. "You were right. She did have feelings for me, only I didn't realize til it was too late." He felt her pulling away again, and he tightened his hold, keeping her hands in his tight grasp, desperate for her to understand. "I guess, maybe part of me was in denial, or maybe…" He took a breath and started over. "Sure, I was curious because she and I were alike in certain ways, but's that's all it ever was to me. Part of me knew she was attachin' herself to me. I felt wrong about it early on, and I should have done something about it. The night she asked me to stay at the homestead, I saw the look on your face, but I was too scared or guilty to do anythin'."

She tried to pull away, needing her space again, but when he wouldn't let her go, she looked up at him in anguish. "You couldn't keep your eyes off her that night!" she spat out, bitterly. He was consumed with guilt when he saw the accusation in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, bringing their joined hands to his lips. "I don't know what else to say, 'cept I'm sorry. If I could take all of it back, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I never meant to hurt ya'. I know you're havin' trouble trustin' me again, and I promise I'll be patient. You're right. I should have stopped it as soon as I suspected what was happenin'. I should have told her about us. I only wanted to help her, I felt sorry for her. She had been through so much already, I didn't want to hurt her. Only, I ended up hurtin' you in the process." His eyes held hers until she had to look away from the emotion in his eyes. He shifted closer and used a thumb and forefinger to lift her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes once again. "I was wrong. I made a mistake. I promise it'll never happen again. I'm askin', hopin' that you'll find a way to forgive me." With his fingers holding her captive, all she could do was clench her eyes tight to hide from his eyes. He knew her so well. He knew how desperately she wanted to believe and trust him again, but he also knew she was terrified he'd hurt her all over again.

"How can you be so sure?" her voice was so small that he barely heard her frightened whisper.

"Because I ain't gonna stop fightin' for this, fightin' for you. I ain't givin' up on ya'. The woman I fell in love with wasn't afraid to fight for what she believed in, no matter how difficult or impossible. You tellin' me now you won't fight for me? For _us_?"

She scoffed at that. "That's all we've been doing – fighting."

"Maybe that's the problem. We fight and we yell, but we ain't been _talkin'_. When did we stop doing that?"

"When we stopped listening. "

He shook his head. "I'm listenin' now. It's not too late. You used to be able to tell me anythin'. Lately it's felt like you keep it all bottled up inside and won't let me in. You don't gotta deal with everything all on your own. You gotta tell me when things are broken, so I can try to fix it. You gotta stop pushin' me away."

She could hear the urgency in his voice, and she struggled with her words, as she tried to bare all of her fears that had been consuming her since they had started their courtship. "I'm not-, I mean-, You're-" He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her so flustered or had such trouble finding her words, and the only reason he remained patient was when he saw how distraught she was. She took a deep breath and tentatively started over. "I don't try to push you away. It's just that I don't know what to do." She looked up at him willing to understand, but he was still at a lost.

"Dunno what to do about what?" he asked, encouragingly.

She mulled over her words a bit, trying to determine how to be honest but sensitive to his feelings at the same time. "Well, I know you get frustrated with me when I get nervous. It's just that I don't know what to do," she repeated tentatively, "when you want to…kiss…and touch." The understanding finally dawned in his eyes, and the knowing smile that crept across his lips brought a blush to her face.

"You sayin' you don't like it?" he teased.

"No!" she cried, pulling away, wringing her hands nervously. "Yes!" His smile widened, and she couldn't pull away from that look in his magnetic eyes. That look that always turned her brain into complete mush. "I just-. I'm not used to it," she tried explaining. "You have to understand this is all brand new to me. I've never done this before, and I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I don't know how to act or what's expected." There was hesitation and fear in her eyes as she looked up at him. "It frightens me," she finally admitted.

"I scare ya'?" he asked in shock.

"No!" She took one of his hands in both of hers as if drawing strength from him, and he looked down at their clasped hands. It wasn't lost to him that this was the first time in over a month that she had initiated any sort of physical contact with him. "You don't scare me. It's just that you…you overwhelm me. And when you look at me the way you do, I can't think straight." She sounded so flustered that he couldn't help but smile and dropped a kiss on her knuckles. "This is so different from what I was taught about courting. I've never experienced anything like this before. I'm not used to feeling so out of control. You make me feel so _much_ all at the same time that I don't know how to process it all. The feelings frighten me. I've never needed anyone before. And it terrifies me to need you more than you might need me," she finished, finally looking at him desperately.

He smiled gently at her, relieved that they were finally communicating, and she was finally able to share her innermost thoughts and fears with him. "Wish we'd been able to talk about all this sooner. Might have avoided both of us a world of pain." When she looked at him in confusion, he couldn't help but give her a quick kiss on her cheek. "It frightens me, too," he admitted.

She looked up at him with part hope, part disbelief. "Really?"

His breath came out in a laugh. "Really," he whispered. "All those things you been feelin', I feel 'em too. And, let's face it, I can't think around ya' period. Maybe that's why I keep sayin' stupid things. We'd been dancin' 'round each other for so long, tryin' to be your friend, wantin' to be more, and then finally….I just need to be near ya', to touch ya'. Ain't never felt like this before either."

"But you've been married before," she asked in confusion.

"Yah, but wasn't like this." He finally allowed himself to wrap an arm around her shoulders, as he heaved a sigh. "Me and Abagail, we loved each other, and when I lost her and Hannah at the same time, something broke inside of me. Never thought I'd be lucky enough to find love again. But my love for Abagail…" He paused for a breath, considering his words, "was different. We were so young, I barely knew what love was." He looked down and smiled at her. "I'm learnin' now that every love is different. Abagail was a girl – kind, beautiful, generous. You, however, you're a woman. You know your mind, you're strong, confident, stubborn to a fault," he said with a teasing glint in his eye. "Just like how you felt for David is different than how you feel for me. Me and Abagail, we were kids in comparison. I love you now like a man should love a woman. I feel things for you that I never felt for her. My heart is drawn to yours. I feel more for you than I ever did for her. Truth is – and never thought I'd admit it – but I have no doubt that, if you'd come in my life first, there would never have been an Abagail."

When she looked up with him, her expression was shining with a flood of emotions, and Sully, for the first time in so many weeks, allowed him to feel just a tiny sparkle of hope. He had always loved her expressive eyes, and now, he could see her inner struggle so clearly in them, as her mind warred with her heart. He could also see that, through the hurt and anguish, a glimmer of hope was struggling to push through. Knowing that it would be actions more than words that would regain her faith in him, he vowed that he would do whatever it took to begin chipping away once again at the walls she'd rebuilt. "And you're wrong, you know," he whispered. "I need you just as much as you need me. Sometimes I need ya' so much, it hurts. Maybe that's why I need to be near ya all the time. To touch ya, just to know that you're still real."

His heart soared when, although she hadn't said a word, her hand reached up to take hold of his that was settled on her shoulder to pull his arm more securely around her. "Hold me." The whisper was so faint he thought he had made it up. But with a relieved sigh, he closed his eyes briefly and wrapped both arms around her, finally, finally drawing her tightly into his embrace. He breathed in her scent and planted a kiss at the top of her head, not willing to let her go ever again.

"Can't ya' see?," he whispered. "My heart's so full of ya', ain't got room for no one else in there." Her breath caught in her throat, but he had no way of knowing Dorothy had recently said almost the exact same thing earlier on in their courtship.

They sat there in companionable silence for a long while, both unsure of the other but neither willing to break the tentative truce that had just been made. He was certain that they had just taken several steps forward to heal the crack that had permeated their relationship over the last month.

Finally, it was she who broke the silence. "What happens now?"

He pulled away to smile down at her. "We keep learnin' about each other, keep figurin' out how to listen to each other, and we take it a day at a time."

She eyed him skeptically. "And you won't get angry again if I get uncomfortable?"

"I promise you I'll be more patient than I been. We'll go as slow as you need. There'll be times when we'll get angry, and we'll yell, and we'll fight, and we'll drive each other crazy because that's just how we are. But that comes with courtin' and figurin' out how to be together. And no matter how mad we get or how much we yell, we'll always come back to each other." She could feel her eyes welling up, not just from the emotion she heard in his voice, but from the truth in his words. She couldn't keep her lips from twitching as he gazed down at her with such a hopeful smile. "I already walked away from you once. I should never have done it then. You're crazy if you think I'm going to do it again."

She gnawed on her bottom lip, and Sully eyes drifted there, his mouth going dry. His jaw tightened, and he drew a deep breath to stop himself from covering her lips with his. "I can't promise," she started in trepidation, "that I'm ready to begin courting again. But…" She looked up at him hopefully. "Perhaps in time?"

His mouth lifted in a relieved smile, and he pressed a gentle kiss to her temple. "We'll go as slow as you need," he repeated, "and I'll help you learn to trust me again. I know your heart's a bit broken. Let me help you mend it. Piece by piece." He gazed into her eyes reassuringly. "I'll wait as long as it takes."

Feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of her, she returned his smile tentatively, a cautious hope filling her eyes. "One day at a time."

 _\- FIN -_


End file.
